II

This bright light,
That came nearly out of the dust we are made from,
Showered over me,
The way lightening bolts explode in the sky.
It started only distant,
But within seconds,
It was travelling through the ground my feet stood upon.
It ran up my veins and through my chest.
It’s power held me down,
But set me free.
I couldn’t move away,
I didn’t want to turn,
To stray.
I felt a touch of heaven,
From a dark box,
And felt an angel take its presence.
I wanted to hold on,
The night was so short,
And I feared this be my one encounter.
I began rising weightlessly in the air,
Closing my eyes,
To feel I was only waking to dream.

The Angel Meeting

The wings that sit high on your shoulders,
Only seem to grow by the hour.
I’ve dreamed of a place like this,
Travelling my mind,
Through world winds and chaos,
Finding peace only through your voice,
And invisible touch.
I reached out for what was there,
And found something greater in it’s place.
Gone with barely nothing,
To grasp particles filled with empathy.
I clumsily dances around your essence,
And grew from my courage to follow through.
I saw not what was there,
But all that could be present.
And from almost a visible scratch,
We introduced,
What we had already grown attached to,
And couldn’t live without.
Scared, thrilled, exhausted, tormented,
And in love,
I embraced what brought this union together.
And suddenly,
An understanding of the moves I had,
And hadn’t begun to make,
Were evident in their reasoning,
The meaning of the forgotten.
There’s no worry about slipping off the cliff,
The breeze is still there to hold me back,
But now I’ve already taken the leap,
And I’m soaring above the waves.

Your Enemy Is White

The child sat alone in the dark.
This replica he held of Noah’s’ arc,
Inevitably crushing his mark.
Everything that was wrong he grew up to believe was right.
If it was right, it couldn’t be wrong.
He made every move with such ease, every touch was fire, and every breath was gold.
He made you long for more. Made you feel like you couldn’t live without.
And you had some choice in the matter, but you certainly didn’t have any doubt.
He set your heart alive, and it ached with every word that couldn’t be said. And when he spoke to you, you lost your voice.
When he sang, you forgot where you were, and when he looked at you, nothing else could come close to mattering.
He feared with a powerful force and loved with an even greater entity.
He could fly. But he didn’t. There was no need to prove anything to anyone, but himself. He already knew the only person he needed to be on grounds with was facing him in the mirror.
He glowed like the moon.
And as silently as it drifted to day, he poured out white light from his soul.
And every time you thought of his power over you, you remembered what little he had over himself. And you prayed that he would see the angel he was and always destined to be. And you hoped that he would see that everything you wanted and loved, was everything he already was.

Weak

You used to make me happy,
Make me joyful, make me glad.
Used to feel wanted, content, and desired.
Now you make me weep,
Make me sob, make me cry.
Never used to make me wonder "why"...
The sun never shines when you're around,
The birds refuse to sing,
And the air gets so dry.

Why when you're around,
You're never near.
Never willing to listen, to hear.
Just your touch makes me quiver,
Your skin against mine, shiver.
The more we stay apart,
The less we grow.
The more I see,
You never cared about me.
It's not that I'm mad.
It's just that I'm missing,
These times we never had.

The Fool

Under the haze of infatuation,
Everything you hate,
Becomes all that you need.

How can it hurt,
When it looks so good.

It’s somewhere between confusing and complicated,
Where I forgot how to crawl,
How to walk, how to turn, and run away.

I struggled to flee in the dark,
But I was smothered by your voice,
The air I couldn’t find to breathe.

You whispered bitter melodies.
Ingesting your words,
My heart dropped to the floor.

You sang me lies full of deceit,
You filled my head with garbage,
And when you turned away,
I collapsed helplessly in your arms.

When I was enlightened,
My vision drifted from you external beauty.
To the persona so ugly beneath.

It’s that night, that my soul escaped,
And I died a semi-sweetened death.

But I still wonder,
How it can hurt,
When it tastes so good.

Is it under the haze of infatuation,
That everything you hate,
Becomes all that you need?

Question Reality

It's the fool's mentality,
The belief of freedom
Being fought my soldiers,
In these lasting wars.
The fool gets lost in the crowd,
Fails to see,
We were never really free.
This life, endlessly controlled.
Tied down to the sate,
Give birth to your leaders,
The ones harboring mischief,
Jeopardizing this flight.
Never loose grip with the real enemy. He's the one, who pretends to be,
Your very best friend, Right up to the very end.

Pain

Scarred and beaten,
By that one love,
That I could never mend.
Abused and cheated,
Adding to the scars,
Hurtful life you led.
Betrayal and lies,
From the only bond,
That could leave me dying.

Lights out.
Salt shaken on my wounds,
Heaping pain on the weak.
My help I can’t give,
To you who turned.
Now why to live,
My blood I shed,
For any words,
Whispers of the anguish in my head.

Who can I trust,
Now that my trust,
Is gone with you?

Painfully Aware

Every time I try to get close to you,
You sink your teeth in.
Never mind the constant nibble,
All you do is bite.
Like on slammed door after another,
It’s never enough to just love you.
No.
It’s nothing.
Nothing you could ever feel,
Nothing you could ever recognise,
Nothing you’d ever give.
You watch me stand in the rain,
And as the water dampens my soul,
My heart reached out for yours.
What comes forth from morrow?
What torture will you promise to inflict upon me,
What hate can I expect from your voice,
What is this need I crave from you,
What is this parasite that I’ve become?
Kick me and beat me,
And I will be forever yours.

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

You told me the sky was black,
When I knew that it was blue,
And everything I do,
Means absolutely nothing to you.
You cupped my hands,
And placed a key in my palm.
A mumbled riddle of secret plans.
Tell me for once what you mean,
How you feel, why you cry.
It shouldn’t be this hard to whisper,
To lean over and say goodbye.
You always close the door,
Never letting anyone in.
Always giving less than more,
Hiding what’s at the very core.
All I wanted was to know you,
All you wanted was to forget.
You used me to see,
But that’s not how it should be.
All I wanted was to know you,
All you wanted was to forget.
It’s not what you see that’s true,
It’s why you can’t see it to be blue.

Moving Forward

Life is a journey, an experience, a struggle, a destiny.
I fear the unknown,
The path barely stridden.
But there’s strength in familiarity,
And an essence in motherhood.

Regrets often reside heavy with guilt,
But the present is what’s most valuable.
And the timely fashion of “now”,
Could not have come about,
If not for the mistakes and scrapes we’ve encountered.
Bumps can only be softened with faith,
Determination, and will.

As I watch you grow,
Into this person I admire,
I know that all the pain and regrets I once had,
Are a thing of the past.

The haze of yesterday forms the boundary base,
Of which to grow,
If not for that,
Then I stand in a different place, overlooking a different time.

Never see me for my shortcomings,
They fail to represent one’s true self,
But always looking past the walls I build.

Like tears that fall,
Like a drops of rain that knows its path,
We have only one way to go.

Life Is The School: Love Is The Lesson

If it wasn't already broken,
You snapped it in two.
If it wasn't already lifeless,
You stole its breath away.
If it wasn't already done,
You finished it.
If it could speak,
You silenced it.
If it had ears to hear,
You muffled the sound.
If it wanted more,
You took everything away.
If it fled to safety,
You made sure,
Insecurities to follow.

If What You Seek. You Find Not Within: You Will Never Find It Without

As I watch my life unfold,
I see no visions of gold.
No wonderful love,
No light from above.
I see shadows and darkness. I'm left with nothing and less.
Why is life this way?
Why must I sacrifice my last day,
For another empty promise,
And life's cold kiss?
My flamed out passion,
Has left me undone,
Never to be finished,
Always wishing for an early run.
I sacrifice and give, Till I don't want to live.
I would give anything,
To hear the angels sing,
To take me out of this hate,
And lead me to a better fate.

Doubt Is Inverted Faith

I see you struggling.
It wasn’t easy.
I know your path.
It’s not that hard.
I’ve been there.
It’s hardly in between.
I’ve felt the same.
It’s somewhere about.
One day,
Won’t just be someday.
Soon that day,
I’ll be able to stand up and walk away.
This fight for freedom, has left me conflicted.
It’s a firm grasp for illusion.
These wants.
These needs.
This hand controls.
Against authority, I will rise.
You will find me above.
The pitfalls of society, shed no excuse for discomfort.
My fights lies deep and within.
My struggle not from you,
But from what you’ve put me through.
Trust in this self defence, and attack before beaten.
Destroy them before we destroy ourselves.

Claw at my skin,
Dig deep into my flesh,
Pull out this heart,
Bloody as it may be,
Take your shaky hands,
Cut them up in pieces,
Slice.
Again.
Don’t stop till there’s nothing left,
Keep going.
The blood that drips,
That pours to the ground,
Will never amount to this soaked heart.
Step back.
Admire your work.
You never took care,
Till the victim was you.
What does it feel like,
The other side?
Crawling back for more,
There’s no sympathy to be found here.
The blame you try,
To pass on to another,
As you hold the knife in your hand.
Don’t forget who brought you to this sacred place,
It’s your that heart pounds.
You continue to push it aside,
Trying always to stop its bleeding.
Is it the “feeling you’re already afraid of,
When you already feel so much?
Feel.
Feel the heart you hold.
My innocence in you palm,
Dripping down your arm,
Scolding the flesh.
I feel the hand, your hand.
Your tense, tearing grip.
This time kill me slowly.
Lead you want,
I’ll take what’s mine.
This pumping organ belongs inside me,
Without your control.
I bleed to see again.
Useless and depend on you,
Hidden from the world’s eye,
Captured and kept behind bars.
Free from experience,
Strengthened by pain.
Evil is an empowerment,
And I’m what you created.