This : Life vs Life

You step out away from the fog,

And into the clearing ahead.

A Path.

The one you've been earnestly awaiting.

Almost searching for without hesitation, direction or guidance.

Glancing into the distance, your heart hits your stomach,

And your only thoughts are now reinforced.

"This," is going to be a journey: a struggle, a fight.

Instead of calculating miles, you decide to just shrug it off.

In fact you re almost looking forward to the walk,

Against aimless wonder within the foggy atmosphere behind you,

It's worth the few stones beneath your toes.

You meet a stranger on this path,

And he greets you like he knows your name.

He cups your hands in his,

And hands you all the answers you'll ever need.

But when he winks at you,

His smile turns a different course,

And you see behind those eyes,

Destruction, disaster, demolition, distrust.

He is gone before the words escape your lips,

Before you can ponder the acceptance of this offer.

In your hand now,

You hold a key.

You turn it over, and as the sun reflects upon it's surface,

You feel pleased, but your heart is cold, dissatisfied.

The truth burning a hole in your hand,

You shove the key in your pocket,

And proceed across the bridge.

With no one in sight,

The only battle you fight, is this one on your own.

You pull yourself further along still,

Your feet now in excruciating pain.

But you've been given the cup of slavation,

And the drink is an arm's length away.

Two doors stand in front.

One padlocked well,

The other meekley closed.

Remembering the key,

You pat your pockets down.

You can tell this door on the right,

Is the one that fits it tight,

But it's the one on your left,

That grabs you now.

Yet the numbers that open it,

You haven't a clue.

Closing your eyes,

You toss the key in a direction unknown.

Fearless that you'll change your mind,

You ponder the thought,

At "this," being the challange you possibly seek,

And that maybe,

You're not alone on this beaten path.

To Wake In A Dream, To Taste Heaven In Hell

I cried myself to sleep one night,

And dreamt a dream of you

A wish, a desire, a burning need

To fill the craving to this feeling

The daylight breaks and still I want more

I pray for just a few

My thoughts through out the day,

Strewn between the reality I must carry out,

With the unhappiness I feel,

For the happiness I dreamt about

My mind can not settle

So I wait by the window

For the night to fall upon me

With the stars coming out,

I lie myself down

And wonder if one of those lights,

Is shining for me.

To wake up in a dream

Or to dream while awake

Just to bring the night to day,

Was my only only wish,

And to my very aching soul,

One day,

It's match was finally made,

My whole body a fire

From the brilliant spectacle before me,

Travelling through fantasies

Meeting the paradise ahead, just to be too far out of reach.

I felt I'd had a taste of heaven in hell,

And got burned at the stake for sneaking such a pleasurable delight.

My heart raced, and pounded.

It danced and it soared

And then it ached more than before.

The knowledge of this love,

Hurt more not having it,

Then not knowing it.

And then one day it left,

Like a thief in the dark,

It stole my heart, and took a it of my soul.

I was never to know of this wondrous being

And when days became weeks,

I fooled myself into forgetting

But the direction had already been changed,

My path written by my every move

And just when I had the blindfold pulled tight,

My bright angel came forth to rescue me,

To deliver me from my madness,

To share a bit of my pain,

To lighten my heavy load,

To guide and protect me from harm's way.

This wondrous source of light,

Belongs to my handsome prince, my angel, my warrior.

To this powerful source, I reach out my hand.

My offerings of love,

My heart, my soul,

Entrusted to thou.

Pry Open My Third Eye!

This Energy All Around us; I want to see, I want to move it, Touch it, Feel it.

The Battle

I believe that my reason for being,
Is for you to be able to see me,
Becoming the person you need me to be.

Why is it my love, that we are, what we are?
How have we managed to get this far?

Still here now,
Embraced with each other,
Because of a vision of a certain place?
A certain feeling we can taste?

I guess if you can see the future,
It can't be too far,
Sometimes the punch is greater that the fall.

If I can see where we went wrong,
We can make it stop.
Any fighter will be the one to say,
That if you have nothing worth fighting for,
Then you have nothing at all.

I believe that there will always be,
Shots hit and missed,
We just have to believe in, what we're fighting for.

Is it a question of one's beliefs?
Which cause is the one correct?
What defines the true warrior, this ability to draw?

There is no written path,
The cards are all faceless,
And every move is in a different direction.
The battle is endless,
Because the fighters have no finish,
No line, no flag, no mapped out quarters.
The coin is tossed, spinning always.


If that’s the case,
Then we will draw our own face,
And call our own shots,
Our directions, limitless,
So it's up to us to decide.
Too long I've left my life, in the hands of destiny.


Made a conscious choice to stay,
With the one who has my heart.
The reason I have to believe,
Is that my love for you is much.
I have to be the person, you need me to be.
In turn, I need you to be,
The one to help, that person be.

You're warmth and your compassion,
You're ever ready acceptance,
Belief in me,
Brings me the strength and desire,
To see past the clouds, that this storm brings in,
To spot the sun kissed sky, breaking through the darkness now behind it.
If there was any doubt,
The whisper of the wind, as it trails by,
Is all that there is left.

The next step, is to search within yourself,
Deeply find out what you need me to be,
Put it in here, so we won't forget,
And I will let you know, what I need from you,
To help me succeed, in this doing so.

August

I look back in time when I can look forward no more.
Times like these, when I am left beaten down and sore.
I cannot go on as one, and now I look to you.
I'm here to find the hope I need, to know I'll make it through.


My view's become obstructed by the way I'm lead.
A feeling that I can't contend,
And for shouting, I've now dread.
An emotion that I can't accept,
When we're driven to the deepest depths,
When all of what I am left with,
Is your own lack of affection.

Now all I wonder, is where I went wrong,
And for how long it's been going on,
I stare at the setting sun, where 2 becomes 1.

You are my first and only, you will always be.
Why can't I make them see, it's only you and me.
You are my favourite, I can barely breathe.
Tomorrow I will go away.

You are mine, and I will always be yours.
Never mind the fights, worry about the wars,
We can just look forward, the past is now no more.

These times like now, they leave me beaten down and sore,
Aching for no such more.

Here we Go Again

Here it goes again; the beginning of the end.
This time the end is the beginning of a fight I'll end up winning.
Not bound but determined to make this conversion.
This transgression is all worth it.

Here I am, this is now.
And I hold faith that I've made it here somehow.
Here we go again, with blood on our mouths.

We, the soldiers of our own war, nothing less, nothing more.
As bold as we are to make it this far,
Now i see the warrior is all I have to be.
The balance is what we are.

Here we go again, with blood on our hands.
This war we fight together, is only due to circumstance,
There we go again, to reach a higher ground,
The battle is with those who claim it's harder than it sounds.

Here you are, this is now.
I hold faith in that you've stayed with me somehow.
There we go again, without a shred of doubt.

We the two piece kingdom,
Will not be held for ransom.
We will not become casualties of ourselves,
We've already begun to build heaven from hell.

Midnight

Finally made it past the mountain top.
And there we were, fearless.
Nothing but the view to take our breath away,
To welcome the coming joy of oncoming days and years.

I can see past the storm that lies before me,
And the thunder and the lightening is all I hear inside me head.
What do i do now, and why and how, when I'm broken, abandoned?

It seems that now, only I who who cares,
But no matter what it takes I'll always be right there.
This is a promise I pledge right now,
That I'll find a way to make our big sky bright again.
I will persuade you to see what I now only dream about.

As inevitable as the day that we all die, and as sure as the darkness turns to light, we will be.
I can't stand to see the look that's in your eyes,
I think for now I must leave and say goodbye.

It now appears, that I'm a ghost within your life.
A non-circumferential spouse with no wire.
This is a promise I pledge right now,
That we'll come back to life, make our garden six feet above ground.
I will give way to what you now only dream about.

No longer Am I sane, with my life spinning 'round,
I know that someday though, our time apart, will be running out, and i will no longer have any doubt.

The Spirit That Surrounds This Love

I loved you from the dawn of time

I shame myself for ignoring your pleas

It's not a selfish gesture to be going my own way

But rather my own weakened judgment

For the times I've done you wrong, I always cared, Just didn't have the strength to give you yours

The warriors fighting the same battle, shouldn't have reason to turn against each other

If I'm not somewhere, I'm really neither here, nor there

The life I live, was created with you

And so shall it forever remain in that curse of time

I feel you, for you, above, beyond, and around you.

I've loved you from the dawn of time, from the moment I knew you,

To the first time we spoke,

The first time we kissed,

To the first time our bodies embraced,

To the first time I cried in your arms,

The first forgiven act,

To the moment I cherish with you now.

I am always there for you

When you can't feel me, you'll be able to see me

And when you can't put your arms around me, you'll feel me next to your heart.

When your vision becomes hazy, and you struggle to find, coming up short,

Don't give up on me; I will always be by your side.

It’s Just A Sign Of The Times Going Forward In Reverse

I can't see it from the other side, because I'm stuck behind the pain I try to hide.

The fear that you're not there, because you never cared.

Blessed it may be, not necessity, for you will get the best of me.

You hold the power to get my mind to ease.

It seems clear, you're not there because you don't care.

Not necessary. Only a burden that I carry, says it'll have to be this way, within the coming days.

I can't dispel, I can only dispose, and that's when my world implodes.

Pack apart, and pin the blame, that's the name of the game, when my heart can't power my brain.

I believe deep down inside, that we will see to better times.

The hope that hangs, from the fact that I would care.

As blessed as it may be, it gets the best of me, sometimes it's not a mutual necessity.

You hold the key, to set my soul free. I hold it dear and wear on my sleeve, this outburst that only shows I care.

This burden I carry, is very necessary. This coalescence that enslaves me, will once again save me.

Where it starts, where it ends, and where we are, who knows.

It's a hard one to explain, how it should be one and the same, while still trying to stay sane.

Necessary Evil

We walk through the dark, with the sounds of the bullets we dodge.

Leading the way to our imminent self destruction.

Navigating over mines in our sleep, is all that sets us apart from the weak.

It's what gravitates us forward, to be the one who's pointing the gun, and not the one left unrewarded.

 

I can feel this, the ground below me, about to give way, the remnants of myself to be discarded.

All of this.

Everything has to fall apart in order to rebuild it from the heart.

 

I guess I'm not alone with the fall to the bottom, or perhaps that's just where I belong.

Unable to tell right, without all the wrong.

But I'm right here beside you, you're down here with me.

I'm in pieces without you, the darkness is all that I can see.

 

I have to destroy myself in order for me to rebuild.

The wrath in tow is the necessary step in the opposite direction.

I have to know which way I'm going, and I feel that I know what I need to do.

 

The realization is only half the answer, in this fucked up equation.

 

You dig yourself a hole, not knowing how far to go.

Only knowing that the depth, is related to the strength it takes, to make it out.

What happens when having taken on too much, is what defines a fighter.

Change

I can't help but be amazed by the very many ways I've looked for an answer and forgot the question.
Never before, my thoughts going on ignored, have I danced around this condescension.
Need I mention my full attention is on this patience that is wearing thin?
When we're at our wits end, in denial of our confusion, that's the time to pull away, to see what lies beneath the new skin.

I know that when you're new to this, it seems tested and unproven, but the truth is you'll get used to it.
What's new since the nuisance, is a noose that's been loosened, a new movement of remove-ment, and knowing how to use it.

I owe this all to everything, because I know that the only way I lose, is if I choose to be useless.
If I advance from this I'll see these chances exist, within the walls of circumstance, no matter what the plan is.

Lost Without You

The more and more I fade away the more I feel like I belong.
On and on and forward from day to night and day, with the feeling I have done no wrong.

I would rather live in a hole, to live and die alone.
Than to treat you like the way that I do, and act as if you never knew.
Caught inside forgotten tides, your rights have been denied.

Just let this go, forget it's toll, just get this so I can't say no.
Confide in those who aren't disposed.
I suppose I might have known or even chose what side I'm on.
Who am I to question why if I can't tell you right from wrong.

I will not come forward, to say what I need to say.
My intentions you'd see if you'd sought through subtlety, are not withstanding in many ways.
This adjacent displacement, these fouls I thought were mine, have long been left behind.

The life in me depends soley on these wings we've grown.
Not thinking will blend our souls, making us whole.
I've been through these complexities, they've granted me the will to see, behind all these deficiencies.
If I can't make it through this, with some new found assurance, that the circumstances won't be recurrent, then the answer is worth it.

I have no fear in this dark despair, when so many times I've cried out and looked, and found nothing anywhere.
As I fall once more, into the well of desolate solitude, I know at the bottom of it all, there's you.

In this life I lead, I have sore eyes, so tired I feel I must be blind.
And I'm not worried about any wrong moves, because I know you'll be there to pull me through.

The fact to me, the cold reality, is the actuality in our duality.
Seems to me like a lifelong dream, and if so never wake me up.
For if I am lost, I am without you, without you, I am lost.

Where I Left Off

You, the being in my dreams, who when without, can seem like hours become years.
I hope that you can see the truth, that I'm frozen in this love for you.
It's not a choice that I can choose, I lost my voice inside of you.

When I first felt this, it never felt more right.
It lit a part of me inside that I never thought would light.
I feel you now, so much more than the times and times before.
My need for you just can't be left ignored, or lost.


I cry when you're gone,
It's not a sadness for the times we've lost.
But a dedication to the moments we've had.
My love for you runs deep through this body like an ocean's waves crashing to it's destine.
When you sang me everything I needed to hear, I thought I fell asleep and dreamed it all.
I pictured that moment over again, and as my heart sank, my soul lifted.
My desire for you soared, and my fear of never tasting your sweet lips became a reality.

I live for you, like I never lived for anything.
That once hole I had, that piece that was missing, you fill a million times over.
I close my eyes and I can see, a whole new me growing inside.
This life I have to give, this life I can teach, this life only you can reach.
I know together we can win this fight, I know if we try, we can make this right.

El Martillo Y El Cincel

Melt away into the back.
Lying dormant, then down my neck.
I try to breathe, the minds constricted, I realized I'm too addicted.
My shoulders are sore from this cross that I bear, but I know I'm the one that put it there.


My fingers tingle as the vien becomes two, little do you know, this blood runs for you.


Heavily sedated, back up to the mind.
Now to see clearly that you're so blind.
Then down to the guts, As I toss and turn.
The ulcers of love, I can handle the burn.
An interesting breeze, blowing in from the south turns thoughts, feelings, and emotions into words in my mouth.


My fingers tingle as the vein becomes two, little do you now, this blood runs for you.
When all is said and done, when people are through, I want you to know I woud die for you.


Aftershock or reality? Of the life after death.
Sometimes it feels like this could be my last breath.
Take a peer into the lake of all I've pissed away.
Let it out of cage, my thoughts in disarray.

The left side so heavy, so heavy it drags me down.
But off in the distance is an unfamilar sound.


My fingers tingle as the vein becomes two, little do you now, this blood runs for you.
When all is said and done, when people are through, I want you to know I woud die for you.


When the light turns to darkness, when the soul and body are two.
I hope you can see I did it all for you.
This wind breathes life, and is so close now that it whistles.
It's you, the bodily symmetry.
The hammer and the chisel.

Miles Ahead

Something from the night became as day.
Reminded of whatever I never had due to what I threw away.
A manifestation of myself into the premonade.
As I sit back and just watch, in wait.

The ignorance is dumbfounding, but who the hell's to blame?
I'm only different because you're all the same.
If I deal with you once it'll be the thousandth time.
Now I'm the motherfucker that committed the crime?



So go right ahead, I no longer dread what's been thought or said about me.
Because you can't even imagine how yours could get so ugly.
if you won't give me the time, then I didn't want it in the first place.
Because I'm miles ahead in this race.



I could do us all the favour, if it weren't a waste of time.
But you're all blind, and hopeless, and walking a very thin line.
I've had more than my share of melodramatic displays of how you'll defemate from a mile away,
But face to face, you don't have shit to say.


I wish that I could say that I knew if this would stay,
But tomorrow's another day to try and make this go away, to try and make this go away.
This knowing of my guts every time I think of you will only stretch them further.
Stronger when I'm through.

The stupidity's oustanding. I don't want it anymore.
This riot must me broken down before I open the door.
I'm through with you subjection, I've elected to advise you to sleep with both eys open, watch me get god-size.



So go right ahead, I no longer dread what's been thought or said about me.
Because you can't even imagine how yours could get so ugly.
if you won't give me the time, then I didn't want it in the first place.
Because I'm miles ahead in this race.

With, Regards

To the memories we shared, To the times that have gone and past
Like the kiss that floats with the wind
Our destinations will take us, Through this unravelling process
I wish I could say I’ll hold on for you
But all I can say is that I’ll hold on to you
You came into my life
And brought with it
Everything I could ever imagine
You made me more happier, Than I ever could have dreamt
And taught me that I have the strength
To do anything I will
We had some rocky times
That only opened the water gate of our desires for one another
The question is “who do you trust”: The heart, the soul, or the mind
The answer lies where you seek it
If you only turn the page to find it
My heart and my undying soul, Open their arms to take you in
While my mind must let you go be your own individual guide
The color of passion, the desire my heart feels,
Is when the soul behind your eyes, Reaches out and touches me with sweet kisses
This attraction I feel
Is the ever growing fascination to be smothered in your essence
My wishes may be many
But for this I have just the one: Find what makes you YOU,
And never ever let it go
I love you with everything that I am

2Petur

The warmth of your essence,
Like smoke trails along your body, it circles.
It twists and floats around,
Hovering towards me like fingers, motioning me closer.
My legs, any justice they don’t do.
Stricken stone still,
The temperature so hot my skin drips with sweat,
The scent so close, drawing me deeper.
A chill of goosebumps hit,
And this struggle to keep air flowing, my lungs choke out.
Weightless,
As the essence wraps its curls around my vessel,
Bleeding through this external wall, to the passionate being beneath.
It squeals with intense desire,
And the soul becomes intoxicated with the richness of this foreign substance.
One turn around,
And I’ve found myself stumbling towards the ground.
Left with a headache of heartache.

Petur

The blood that pumps my heart, that makes me feel, that helps me breathe, is you.
The sun that shines, that warms my skin, that settles my mood, thats you.
The wind that tickles, that breezes through my hair...you.
The tenderness of a warm hug, that soothes a lonely soul, thats you.
The light in the dark, that pierces through a shaded tunnel, an exasperated life... you.
The strong prince, that rescues the distressed, the hero, is you.
The calm, after a storm, a disaster, is you.
The relief, after a calamity, a struggled battle, thats you.
The excitement, from anticipation, the big surprise...you

No, Sheena

No, Sheena

I’ve fallen in love with you all over again
Just like in the beginning
But this time I can’t convince you that I’m worth the leap ahead
My breath cuts short when I talk to you

No, Sheena

My heart rages with the pain of letting go
This soul cannot release

What’s done is done he says

No, Sheena

And the knife pokes its evil head, straight through the other side
Collapsing to the ground
Whimpering all the more
Helpless in this wasteland of left behind

No, Sheena

I’m like this ragdoll that keeps coming back
You can pick me up and drop me
And I’ll still be smiling for you

No, Sheena

You were my beautiful distraction,
And I was your way out
You never wanted to get close,
And I never wanted to shut the door
It was destruction,
Ended with disaster
You left me wanting more,
Like a beaten donkey waiting at your golden door

No, Sheena

Picking away at my skin
Scratching at the base, that holds it all together
Nothing is so fragile, that it’ll break the right way
But if you play around with it
I’ll eventually fade away
Away into the dark sky
With those wings that you’ve earned

No, Sheena

Just when you think you’ve got it all together,
You turn around, FALL,
And find yourself back where you started.

I Dream

I dream of flying through the sky,
Grabbing at stars as they pass by
So much wonder
So many ways to turn
All that’s happened I’ve had to earn
The star that shines brightest for me,
I can’t bear my eyes to pry from
For what if tomorrow it has gone and disappeared?
What beauty would there be to see?
I struggle now to turn my face away
To rid my unsteady fears
If this special star truly exists
In more than just a mind’s eye
Then I will surely wake to embrace its light once again
So now I take that heavy leap and dream some more

07-14-2008

How can you top the epitome of perfection?
That what is so earnestly strived for?
When you reached the top and had it all,
Where will you take it from there?

But there’s agony and betrayal
Mistrust and abuse
Why these “what ifs” keep circling,
Why this mind needs to keep processing
My head spins, My heart pains

I could never have imagined the worst,
Though I felt it deep within,
My heart sinks, and I can’t breathe

I’m feeling like the question “why”,
And I don’t want to think this “real”.

What is “fair”,
What is “right”,
Who is “hope”,
What is “belief?”

How come this is happening?
We tried so hard,
Traded our heartache for failure

I always missed you,
A moment,
An hour,
A day apart.
Every day that goes by,
I miss you more and more.

Love Lost Love Found

She lay motionless now,
All that she knows how,
If nothing is moved,
Nothing can happen,
She’ll just past the time this way,
If nothing is happening, nothing can go wrong.
She felt nothing,
Wondered where nothing came from,
Where it went when it was gone,
Why it came, why it left.
If nothing stirs, is stirring nothing?
Whatever came of this, she hoped it was nothing.
If you lost it all, did you ever really have anything?
Or was it just more nothing?
When does something become anything?
Who decides?
This nothing seemed to be contagious,
All who were trusted,
Were doing the same,
Nothing.
She has no one now,
Is no one just like nothing?
Where once there was a yes,
Now lurking in the shadows, is no.

2W0

Two different souls, to come together
Two different hearts, to love one another
Two different minds, to understand each other
Two different hands, to hold on to one another
Two different feelings, to entice one another
Two different bodies, to entwine together
Two different expressions, to laugh at each other
Two different steps, to guide one another
Two different opinions, to resolve conflict together
Two different thoughts, to learn from each other
Two different journeys, to meet in the middle
Two different strengths, to make one unbreakable bond
Two different lives, to build one together